I have been flawless in this happening over the past forty eight hours. The currant situation I find myself journeying right now is a vortex of possibilities with an endless chaotic spiraling ending this mixture like the weather has left a little gloom and grey. Grey being so many shades of what is going and my thoughts and brain are in overdrive. Between keeping my vibration up, and staying in the NOW, I speak of this often, and flowing with the churning spirals of what is coming to pass or end, or maybe just dwindle from my line of sight only to see it once more somewhere down the river, due to vibrations I manifest any one of these are a possible universal happening in the making. I feel this and that is the closest I can come to our human language on explaining that particular event.
I am linked by two aspects "FEELING" and THINKING" for me what I feel is the zero line, from that point on it is on a course of it's own. It is my purposeful make-up. I feel therefore I think. Some think therefore they feel. Two parts of a whole. It is the balance that I struggle huh how funny, balance is no struggle, yet I state it clearly that it is. You see what just happened I felt then I thought then I wrote, now it is done. It turned out negatively.
I started really feeling what I was thinking to try and flip the script, it was a mad rush of all sorts of emotions and it really was exhausting keeping up with the thought process it seems endless, like the proverbial dog chasing his tail, and never once caught then what? The energy I used up and really ended up with virtually nothing positive just confusion and chaos. I for the first time realized how empty my thoughts are to flood and then vanish without a trace, they really are hauntingly dangerous and yet so inviting. When I feel first then think, this normally works for me, but it often fails of late as the trust in my inner self has been dampened and walled out, the ego through the mind the human in me let GO...it merely obliged my actions. I am sorry for this meaning it is damaging to ME no one else.
Every thought and feeling has a purpose in it's moment. It is all relative. So here is the dilemma, I bask in the moments of good feelings and positive thoughts they empower me if only for a second, wait for it, then the pendulum swings back, right that's just the way it goes. Yin and Yang so to speak. So yup here they come for me one of the biggest is a relationship issue, is it over? is it a lady in waiting by the universe? is it still a going on? each of these are a web of tangled thoughts and feelings that really right now have no relevance to my NOW. They still creep in and bam I am stuck trying not to hit by the dang pendulum.
I tried a little something I heard in a Abraham Hicks video: A five minute dedication and notice the use of the kind word dedication. Something you will invest and commit to willingly. Pause for the thought kinda of action. I set an alarm clock for 5 MINUTES, I started thinking and then feeling some guilt over this relationship I refer too and it started with great news about my other half his health him paying attention once again and gaining strength, well then it shifted to ME, I thought about how I abandoned the situation too soon? Did I loose faith in US? then it moved again not just questions now answers started to come and as it all went down so did my energy and feelings changed they darkened and were no longer empowering but rather damaging. I was about half way through the five minutes and still it came, go back to TN you can do better this time, you can handle his stuff and yours pick him back up put things right for him...oh that pattern grew and grew and then I noticed how small I felt, like I was disappearing or becoming invisible. The bell went off thank goodness. I felt it all took another fifteen minutes or so to write this out and let it stew for a bit, really understand and release what is not meant to be in the NOW> This is clearly not a fix right NOW situation.
The day progressed and each one of these little thoughts and feelings that broke my spiritual connection, I stopped and paid homage
to them, dedicated all of me in that moment to what is happening. Pausing to allow that thought it's time for it will pass make no mistake. Now, I would love to say it all ended well, but nope I had the same thoughts rinse, and repeat and each time I kindly acknowledged them but had to ask them to leave for I already dedicated the time to them in their moment and NOW is not theirs. It really amazed me how the chattering, the committee in my head slowly began diminishing yet I know they will rise once more, so it the way of the pendulum of thought and feelings, or feelings and thoughts either way it all leads to the same NOW the same simple truth...All that we are arises from our thoughts. Keep them POSITIVE but never berate the negative it is the balance one needs to continue to progress.
